How I work with my clients
STEP 1 - We’ll begin by setting the table for everything far and wide to join in. We’ll welcome the shameful parts, the angry apples, maybe the hurt and hopeless feelings, and anything else that is a part of this feast. We’ll look closely for any resistance to change, and then we'll ask what environment helps grow safety and trust for you?
STEP 2 - Then we’ll download the frustration, challenges, and pain about what's not working. We follow this with asking, "What do you want in your life or relationships?"
STEP 3 - Next we’ll hunt for the story that has been lurking beneath the surface and see how it lives, well, unfortunately everywhere. You'll start to notice the ways you speak to your self or partner when you believe that the stories that you're not enough, that others aren't trustworthy, etc.
STEP 4 - With this core story caught like a raccoon in a spot light, we’ll circle it with at-home practice until its caged. Yee haw! Self-empathy will allow you to begin to experience more personal freedom and more options in how you respond. Ultimately, you can only listen to others as well as you listen to yourself.
Don’t worry, you’ll get accountability support for your homework. When coaching with me, we'll track your at-home practices in an easy online platform.
STEP 5 - From here, we gots to learn some more better ways to talk. Well, listen actually. We start with the basics of turn-taking that we left behind years ago. In real life this doesn’t happen so easily. I help to ensure there’s no butting in line and that everyone of you gets their turn. For couples, with one speaker at a time, the other person will have opportunities to try on new listening skills. For individuals, we will role play the conversations that get you every time.
STEP 6 - Roll up your pants because these last three building blocks get deep and help you to realistically make new habits. Here we'll focus on honest self-expression, learning to not sweep yourself out the door and at the same time not whack the other person.
STEP 7 - Here is where we’ll insert some martial art. Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, invented some wicked skills that turn even the nastiest bad guys on their backs. Get ready for a lot of new learning about all things communication (followed by a lot of crying that you didn’t learn this 10 years ago).
STEP 8 - Rinse and repeat until you're experiencing the results you set out for. I show up vulnerable and available for your truth to arise. I engage in role plays with you. We question everything, laugh, blush because role plays are awkward, and deepen those new roots. With tenderness and compassion we’ll blow the cobwebs and dust off your authenticity and warmth, and start loving big!
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