Fight better and love more
It takes courage and vulnerability. And some guidance. We can navigate conflict together.
My unique approach to conflict resolution has heart wrapped in every moment. Through slowing down, attunement to nonverbals, tracking the words as well as total talk time, sifting through judgments with an ear for the needs beneath the poke, I help people hear the other person's pain, as well as their own language that contributes to disconnection.
Traditional mediation focuses on issues and often results in compromise - where both parties share the resentment 50/50. When I mediate I ensure that we focus on the primal human needs of each party, and use those needs as a launchpad to co-create strategies that work for both sides.
We don't move on until each person understands the meaning of what is said by the other ...
We never compromise our human needs ...
We don't give up until we've found requests that both parties' can fully say yes to ...
This patience, deep listening, and widening back are what make my mediations so successful.
Persisting is the relentless quest for needs. If I’m persisting, I’m not giving up on my needs, perhaps my own or ours. Demanding has a fixed attention on strategies (my way!). Persisting has a quality of patience to it, like taking a stand and not giving up. I want my life to have this quality to it, these needs matter to me, so I'm here, steady, focused, patient, and honest about what's important to me.
Demanding feels anxious in its belief that something is urgent or fading. Perhaps I'm worried you won't hear me or care about my needs and then I'll be alone so I make demands as my best attempt at getting my needs met. Of course, it's more difficult to access my creative solution-finding when I feel scared and rushed.
So how do we know and express this valuable life quality to ourselves and others? What gets in the way? How do we persist and not demand?